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Misplaced family relationships are pushing children into the whirlpool of games.
Facing a child who is addicted to games, is it strange to play games or to blame children?
The answer may not be.
In 2019, Sun Hongyan, director of the Children’s Research Institute of China Youth Research Center, once conducted a survey with her team, hoping to screen out children who are addicted to games from their behavioral characteristics. The survey is aimed at more than 10,000 minors, and the questionnaire selects eight questions, such as "Do you want to surf the Internet when you are free", "Can you only play for an hour, but can you control yourself" and "Will playing games affect your sleep" … …
Through investigation, Sun Hongyan’s team found that in a democratic family environment, the proportion of children addicted to games is 1.7%, the proportion of children addicted to games in an authoritarian family is 9.7%, and the proportion of children in a laissez-faire family is as high as 11.7%.
"The problem of game addiction is actually the networking of life problems." Sun Hongyan believes that if children are addicted to games, parents should look back on what has happened in their children’s lives instead of blaming them blindly.
Parents only charge 20 yuan phone bills, and children smash their mobile phones in the class.
Jin Ming (pseudonym), who has taught in a work-study school for many years, has witnessed too many divided "game families".
In Jin Ming’s class, there was a violent family conflict caused by the cost of games: in order to limit the children’s playing games, the father only charged the children’s mobile phones with 20 yuan phone bills every month. There was a friction between the words of two generations, and in front of the whole class, the father and the children quarreled. The child slammed his mobile phone to the ground and yelled at his father, and everyone was scared on the spot.
On one occasion, a student’s mother cried to Jin Ming on the phone: the child played games with his mobile phone, didn’t sleep at night and couldn’t wake up in the morning. On the other side of the microphone, there was a "thud" sound of throwing things from time to time, and it was "very noisy".
When Jin Ming saw the child playing the game: pale, tall and skinny, "I suddenly felt very pitiful." He can feel the pain of his parents: no matter what he says, he can’t get into the child’s brain, "I can’t wake him up."
Jin Ming analyzes the reasons, and children need self-identity in adolescence — — He enjoyed the glory in the network, but this piece is missing in real life. As a result, the children fled to the online world.
Over the years, the struggle between children and adults in games has never stopped.
Jin Ming worked as a class teacher and once asked the children to hand in their mobile phones. Some children hide their mobile phones and hand in a simulation model mobile phone. When they sleep at night, they always want to play games. "It’s hard not to play, and it’s like ‘ Drug abuse ’ Similarly, the six gods have no owner, and there is no way to concentrate in class. The whole person is very scattered. "
Zhou Huazhen, an associate professor in the Department of Adolescent Work of China Academy of Social Sciences and director of the Center for Adolescent Health Research, once presided over a study and published a survey report on adolescent addiction behavior — Based on the data analysis of the online questionnaire survey of adolescent health behavior in 2017/2018. This study shows that 18% of teenagers play online games for more than "4-5 hours". She further explained that according to the judgment standard of the World Health Organization, it is generally believed that playing games for more than five days a week and more than five hours a day is likely to be addictive.
In Sun Hongyan’s view, children are addicted to games, and the "board" cannot only be played on games and children. The deeper reason is that parents ignore the establishment of a good parent-child relationship.
Sun Hongyan once communicated with the children of an Internet addiction correction institution. She asked the child: How long did it take for the game to be sent in by the parents? The child replied: After the senior high school entrance examination, I played for a summer vacation. She then asked the child, did you play before? The child shook his head. Later, Sun Hongyan learned that parents couldn’t control their children and thought that their children had been playing games for too long, so they sent them directly to the Internet addiction correction institution.
"To prevent minors from indulging in games, we should not only rely on technology, but also the strength of the family." Sun Hongyan said.
Every child addicted to games has a story of home behind him.
For Sun Qing (a pseudonym), a senior three student in Wuhan, he is the one who was abandoned by his parents.
There is an obedient brother at home. His parents once scolded him and beat him for playing games, and they also unplugged the router before going to work. At about 3 a.m. one day, he got up to play a game, the "battlefield" on the screen kept flashing, and the gunshots in the headphones passed through the eardrum. This time his "disguise" was uncovered: Mom went to the bathroom in the middle of the night and found the computer light in his bedroom. He got a beating. Since that conflict, he continued to play games, but he also obviously felt that his parents began to focus on his younger brother and "gave up on me."
There is more or less a misplaced family story behind children who are addicted to games.
Jin Ming found that families where parents are not at home all the year round, or parents always have quarrels, are more likely to make children addicted to games. "They can’t get warmth from home, so they turn to the game world to find psychological satisfaction." He remembers that there was a student whose parents were doing business outside. Every night, he ordered takeout, ate and played games at home alone. "Without a support in my heart, my child always felt that his world was very deserted."
In the canteen, Jin Ming also observed that there was another boy who asked for a bowl of white rice and a bowl of vegetables for dinner. He put in a good word and begged the aunt at the window to give him more vegetable soup, and ate it with a little green leaves and vegetable soup. Zhang Jin observed him several times from a distance and found that he had saved his money and secretly bought a game equipment. After understanding the child’s family background, he realized that the child had been living with his grandparents and his mother had died long ago. "In fact, it was quite sad to watch." He lamented that "one reason why children are addicted to games is the lack of family love."
Another reason for indulging in games may be that children escape under the pressure of family. Jin Ming remembers that there was once a child whose parents were intellectuals, and they demanded a lot of him. In order to prohibit him from playing games, their parents suppressed him by violent means. Finally, the child’s rebellious heart rose, and as long as his parents suppressed him, he climbed the balcony window. "Such children are addicted to games when they find that they can’t meet their parents’ expectations."
The game seems to have become a refuge for problem children. But behind the problems exposed by games, there are often deeper psychological problems and family problems.
Wei Qingwang, director of the China Society of Social Psychology and associate professor of the Department of Psychology of China Renmin University, believes that there are three levels of reasons why teenagers are addicted to online games: the first level is the response under pressure management and frustration; The second level comes from the misunderstanding of self-concept and psychological growth; The third level is related to the problems existing in the development of the times and cultural feedback. "The key to solving the growing troubles brought by games lies in parents. Parents need to be scientific and cautious in the process of educating their children, but also be peaceful, inclusive and open. "
Bian Yufang, director of the Institute of Mental Health and Education of Beijing Normal University, once conducted a survey through big data, and found that for every 10% increase in parent-child intimacy, children’s sense of belonging on campus can increase by about 8%, and the problem of Internet addiction can be reduced by about 7%. "Parent-child relationship can effectively reduce children’s Internet addiction." She suggested that the network is a necessary tool for future study and life, and network literacy is one of the most important literacy for children in the future. I hope that families, schools, enterprises and the media can guide children to correctly recognize and use the network.
The family should also establish a "gentleman’s convention" for games.
Prior to this, the simplest and rude family practice to deal with children’s addiction to the Internet was violence.
When Sun Hongyan was consulted, she heard that in order to prevent children from playing games, some parents unplugged the keyboard of the computer before going to work and took it to work. She also heard a mother say that the child is going to be a senior three, and she plans to put the computer in a cardboard box and put a seal on it.
"For children who are addicted to games, let him find his inner sense of value and gain from reality." Sun Hongyan said. Another data in Sun Hongyan’s team survey shows that compared with children who are not addicted to games, the former feels that the proportion of being looked down upon is more than 20 percentage points higher than that of the latter.
Qiao Hao (pseudonym) is a history teacher in a middle school in Beijing. He also has a similar view: "Behind the children who are addicted to games, there are more or less problems in family communication, which can be understood as the lack of parenting. Children lack self-confidence in the family and are easy to find themselves through games."
He observed a phenomenon: in the fourth and fifth grades of primary school, with the increase of learning difficulty, children addicted to games can’t keep up with their learning energy, and their sense of achievement and self-confidence in their studies will decrease rapidly, but at the same time, other students have gradually developed a good study habit at this stage, and the gap gradually emerges. "Some children may feel that their game ability will surpass his classmates, and they have gained some sense of accomplishment and confidence from here."
After teaching for many years, Jin Ming once did an experiment: he arranged for a child who was addicted to games to be a disciplinary Committee member. The child was withdrawn and always embarrassed at first, but the class Committee had to go to the podium to talk about class rules. I persisted for a while, and by the end of the term, the child had been able to go on stage and talk for a long time. The little boy is tall and can play basketball, "life will gradually become sunny."
Jin Ming often thinks about it, and corresponding electronic products will appear in different times. For example, children in the 1980s like watching TV, children in the 1990s like playing computer, and now children in the 1990s like playing mobile phones. How to improve children’s self-control and how to restrain them? "You can’t just think about how to control it because this thing appears."
Nowadays, parents basically have two management methods for their children to play games: one is to adopt a simple and rude management method, for example, to confiscate children’s mobile phones and iPad when they see them; The other is to let it go.
Zhu Yongxin, member of the Standing Committee of Chinese People’s Political Consultative Conference and Deputy Secretary-General, and initiator of the new educational experiment, thinks that neither is desirable. He suggested that parents should establish good rules for using the internet with their children, such as negotiating a "convention", agreeing on the length of using mobile phones every day, helping children develop self-control and self-management, or parents taking their children to study online together.
In addition, he believes that parents should also set an example. You can’t stop your children from using the internet, but you spend a lot of time on your mobile phone, which even affects your daily companionship with your children. "To do this, we need to be based on good family rules."
On August 30th, the State Press and Publication Administration issued the Notice on Further Strict Management to Effectively Prevent Minors from Addicting to Online Games. As written in the notice: actively guide families, schools and other social sectors to create a good environment conducive to the healthy growth of minors and perform their guardianship duties according to law.
"The return of the family is the best way to get children out of the vortex of the game ‘ Good medicine ’ 。” Jin Ming said.
Zhongqingbao Zhongqingwang Trainee Reporter Yang Jie Reporter Qiu Chenhui Intern Sun Shaoqing Source: China Youth Daily
